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conscious conception, spirit babies, my birth story

My Childbirth Story

 

The last chapter of my pregnancy diaries is here, and it is with great admiration and excitement that I can finally announce that my beautiful son, Clyde, has arrived into the world happily, and healthily.

 

He stayed safely in my womb until 41 weeks exactly. I find this interesting for two reasons, in France, full term is considered 41 weeks, whereas the rest of the world states it is 40 weeks. Also, if we calculated the due date based on my last moon cycle rather than growth, his 41 weeks was actually 40 weeks as they brought my date forward a week. Either way, I believe we have a due window, and there is no pressure to arrive before or after, let the baby come when the baby is ready! But of course, since we had our scare of preterm labor at 26 weeks, we had been prepared since then for baby’s arrival. Meaning.. Those 15 weeks felt like one long blur of waiting!

 

I had stopped all medication at 35 weeks, and we really thought he would come by 39 weeks at the latest. But 39 weeks arrived, and I was still hugely uncomfortable with a big baby in my belly, doing all that I could to help stimulate labor. I had weekly shiatsu and acupuncture sessions to help my body relax and be open to the process. After each session, I finished feeling divinely supported and at peace with baby’s chosen time of arrival. Before these sessions I found myself agitated or exhausted and worried that baby would come at a time when I felt out of alignment. Working with these formats of energy healing with the help of others, really helped bring my mental, physical and emotional and spiritual self into alignment in preparation for childbirth.

 

I had also been taking hypnobirthing classes with Cate, an incredible teacher who provided myself and my husband with a thorough understanding and support of the childbirth experience. From our weekly classes with Cate, both of us felt educated and excited to enter this unknown experience.

The day finally came when Clyde chose to be born. At around 10am on the Tuesday I started to feel strong back contractions, 2-3 minutes apart, lasting for 45 seconds to a minute long. Before Tuesday I had been feeling Braxton Hicks contractions daily for the last 5 days, intensely, but never consistently. I often went to sleep with the contractions wondering if I would be woken in the middle of the night in labor.. But alas, evening labor was not the time, luckily, because it was my only worry – that Clyde would come when I was too tired from the day, and my mental power to birth physiologically could be shaken. But 10am, they began intensifying with short pauses in between allowing me to gain my strength. We already had an appointment at the hospital for my 41-week check-up at 11am, so we went, with a packed bag just in case. I was still in denial that today was the day but we had high hopes and felt prepared if it was.

 

Sure enough, the monitoring proved I was having contractions as we thought, except that they were felt solely in my back, not my front. We proceeded to get checked with the doctor and I was 3cm dilated. We had a choice – to stay or go home and wait until I had dilated to 5cm or more, as it is often with first-time babies that it takes a long time to progress. We live about 30 minutes from the hospital, and I was in so much pain that we felt it was best to stay. We checked into the birthing suite!

My birth plan was simple

– as natural as possible, with peace and harmony at the forefront. I was open to alternative birthing practices, and if any medical interventions were necessary for the baby and my health, I would oblige, but only if absolutely necessary, and only if natural alternative options had been exhausted first. Although I dreamed of a natural birth, I wasn’t completely opposed to having medical support if I could not handle the pain, but I wanted to at least try.

 

The birthing suite was located in the hospital but it was on its own floor and only for natural birth and midwives. If I did decide to get any medication, I would need to be transferred to the maternity level, or if I needed a doctor to deliver the baby, I would also have to be transferred. Natural birth is highly encouraged in Belgium, and the support received to enable a physiological birth is wonderful. I felt completely supported in my decision and my care providers to honor my wishes.

We arrived at the birthing suite and chose our room. A large double bed, a huge birthing bath, and soft lighting. There was a lovely salt lamp we turned on, and colorful rebozo fabrics hanging from the ceiling. I proceeded to pull out my crystals, singing bowls, essential oils, and list of birthing affirmations to set up my sacred altar. We turned on relaxing music, and truly embodied the space. My husband and I felt so good in this room, it was at this moment we knew that today was the day that we would finally meet our son and become a family. This thought carried us forward with excitement and happiness.

Our midwife arrived shortly after, and checked in to see how we were going. At this stage I had been having consistent contractions for 6 hours, and I was eager to know if I had progressed. She checked… but I had not dilated any further, and this news in itself was very discouraging. She advised us that a first-time birth can take a really long time, and asked us if we would be more comfortable going home first to help the labor progress in my home environment, as sometimes the hospital feeling can hinder the process. I felt torn. I wanted to stay, but I felt like I was wasting everyone’s time. And the doubt as to whether he would arrive today began to creep into my mind. Then the pain continued, and I wondered, how I had gone through this struggle for so long with nothing eventuating, I was very confused with what to do.

 

Our midwife suggested I hop in the bath, and take some homeopathic medicine. The combination of these two elements would either speed up labor or calm it down if it wasn’t the right time. Just after 5 pm, I hopped into the bath, and for the first time in 7 hours, I felt the relief of no contractions, yet the confusion intensified. As I laid in the bath for almost an hour, everything completely stopped. It seemed as though it was the best option to go home.

 

I hopped out of the bath at 6 pm and laid on the bed, hooked up the monitors to confirm the contractions had stopped. They had. My husband began to pack up the room and we were ready to leave with confusion in our mind.

 

And then.. my water broke.. And before I could even speak, I quickly entered the transitional stage of labor. The point of no return. It was happening.

The contractions intensified into a new level of expansion. There was no moment to focus, no moment to speak. I could only use my breath and mind to focus on the pain and ease into it.

Within the space of one hour, I dilated from 3cm to 10. All I could feel was the natural urge to push.

Although the contractions were intense,

I harnessed the power of my mind to envision the process opening up before me. This allowed me to be truly present and embody the transcendental portal between the two realms. With each contraction, I breathed through the pain and envisioned my higher self walking my son down the pathway to enter this reality. And from my body, I foresaw my soul rise from this realm to journey up to meet him. Together we walked through, guiding him along the pathway ahead but reminding him that this was his journey to take. I told him I would teach him how to visit this sacred space where he came from during his time on Earth. As I continued to breathe through the contractions, I felt an overload of energy swirling within me and around me. It danced with great magnitude. A dance I had dreamed of experiencing at some point in my life but had never imagined how or what, I just knew it existed and that I would be a part of it one day.

With a mixture of pain and confidence, I swayed through these new vibrations that I had never imagined before, yet somehow I knew what to do. I tuned into my body and harnessed the power of my past lives, knowing that I had walked this path once before, helping the growth of humanity. I felt the power of all my ancestors by my side sending me strength. And whenever I felt weak or that I could not go on I heard their whispers of wisdom reminding me that they too went through this passage, and they lit a torch to show me the way. I saw this fire illuminate within me, heating my body to open boldly. I felt powerful knowing I was creating life like the millions of women who had done so before me, since the beginning of time. In this space I embodied the primal power of our ancient animalistic truth, it was a version of ourselves that we sometimes suppress. I let myself be wild and free in the safe space that my husband provided for me. He was my anchor through this transitional period of the unknown.

After pushing for an hour, I felt the ring of fire, and his head crowning slowly. I stood up to change position, held tightly onto the fabric hanging from the ceiling, and squatted on the floor, allowing gravity to take hold and support me in birthing this beautiful baby. Above me I envisioned a galaxy of stars, the portal of other realms, and soft colors of purple and green became apparent. What felt like 30 minutes was over in two, for his entrance was fierce and quick, he was ready to be in our world.

And then the moment came that we met Clyde. The very first moment we saw his face is forever etched in our minds. The immense unconditional love of everything all at once molding together and expanding rapidly. The most beautiful face, skin and body, in complete peace and harmony. In this moment I could only stare in complete awe for what my partner and I had created. And the profound symbolism of our love together woven into this magical child.

This experience was so intense, that it is difficult to place into words, and can only truly be felt in the heart. During labor and childbirth, there was no time for fear, but only overwhelming sensations of pure pain that I had never felt before. It was traumatic to feel, yet as I write this story two weeks later, I have forgotten the truth of this pain, and rather, I crave this experience once more.

 

I am so grateful to have been supported so divinely and to have had a wonderful birth experience. And now the new chapter begins of being a mother, of stepping into this divine feminine energy, the archetype of transition. The greatest gift I could ever be given.

 

I hope you enjoyed reading these pregnancy diaries! Sharing my story has been so helpful in the healing and learning process!

Love Phoebe xo

 

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A post shared by Phoebe Garnsworthy (@lost_nowhere)

4 responses to “My Childbirth Story”

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