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Bedrest No More! 38 weeks, 2 days

It’s hard to put into words the emotions I’ve been feeling lately. I’m walking closer to the end of this pregnancy, (well baby can come at any point from here on out safely), and yet I have been battling the feelings of regret and guilt. These last few weeks of re-entering normality have been challenging. After spending 2 months on bed rest, I have now awaken with new weight and discomfort that has been exhausting on my body, trying to get it strong again. And I feel guilty for complaining considering this is the moment I had been waiting for. This moment of holding baby safely in my belly at 38 weeks is what we had been dreaming of, and yet I am upset with myself that I even have to remind myself to switch my mentality to gratefulness. I was having difficulty enjoying the present moment, and I felt as though I was rushing for this pregnancy to be over, I feel the urge to move forward.

It wasn’t until I had a deeply healing shiatzu massage that I realized.. I was still holding onto the stress of what had been, and I hadn’t released that or healed it. And so, my projection of wanting this moment to be over was my way of looking to release that stress. I was ready to let go and move forward to the next chapter, but of course, that could never happen until I learned how to honor and accept myself in this moment. And it was the simple words of the practitioner who asked me, why have you had a difficult pregnancy?

As I reflect upon the experience, I know my story well.

The first trimester I was insanely nauseous, weak and tired. From week 4 until 16, I had strong early pregnancy symptoms that prevented me from living a normal life for my health was exhausted, swaying between nausea and fatigue. When week 16 finally passed I felt great until week 20, when I then caught a flu virus and this knocked me out for 3 weeks as my immunity tried to recover. Once this was over, I had another good week, until I was hit hard with food poisoning from a restaurant which then proceeded to cause me extreme illness. The combination of this recovery and dehydration amongst other issues then prompted the risks for preterm labor and I found myself in hospital, bedridden for a week as they tried to diagnose me. My body was given medicine to help ease the contractions and keep baby inside of my womb. Yet, there was a nagging feeling within me, that the doctors were wrong, that my body was fine, and that baby didn’t need these medicines.

Still, when faced with fear of the unknown and surrounded by doctors who had more experience than me, the small chance of something bad happening which was a risk, needed to be eliminated, and so I followed their protocol.

After a week, with no changes, I was allowed to go home for bedrest, and here, I spiraled down low.. My mental health, my physical health, my zest for life and this proud moment I had been waiting all my life for was stolen from me. I just did the bare minimum each day to try and survive. That’s all I could do. And yet, as I look back on this, I wonder what did I achieve?

I just prayed for time to pass because that meant that baby would be safe. The longer he grew inside my belly would help his health.

And the sacrifice of my own health was necessary to enable this beautiful being to flourish with nourishment. The days rolled between sleep and the need for relaxation. And slowly together, we moved through this challenging time.

Through it, we grew closer. My partner, myself and our son in the spirit world. The three of us created an unbreakable bond that entwined us deeply together and even before what it felt like for our life to begin.

I often visited him in the spirit realm, and my husband would talk to him in my womb. And we found our own ways together to survive through this period of uncertainty.

But now that it has passed, we can rejoice, we can enjoy the last of this pregnancy. And baby is safe to come whenever he wishes to come! I need to remember that this pathway, although unexpected was my pathway and what I needed to face and overcome. I remind myself of the tools around me to help me heal and move forward, and most importantly enjoy these last moments of baby healthy and safe in my womb.

Although now I feel so big and it’s been difficult, uncomfortable, and challenging to get back on my feet, it’s the moment I’ve been praying for, and this is what I need to remember. What we pray for, we attract, and we live it, because we call that beautiful energy in. I need to remember my affirmations and step back into my power of excitement to birth this baby!

Each day I wake up a little bit more rested, relaxed, and excited to feel the profound sensations of birth and to meet this incredible human who will mark the first of our family creation.

I am so grateful to be standing strong and healthy in this position right now…. I am falling back in love with life all over again. But this time with new wisdom, new eyes, and with a new connection to another soul.

 

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A post shared by Phoebe Garnsworthy (@lost_nowhere)

One response to “Pregnancy Diaries – Bedrest No More!”

  1. Laila says:

    I always leave this blog feeling inspired and motivated to make positive changes in my life Thank you for being a constant source of encouragement!

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