why didn’t anyone teach us how to love ourselves?

I’ve spent many years wondering when I would meet the love of my life.

I’ve manifested like a maniac and meditated on most full moons.

I’ve overpaid on psychics, on self-help books, on new outfits.

And wasted far too much precious time on boring dates.

And yet here I was, entering my thirties, still single. Still asking the same question that I had been asking for the last ten years or so – WHERE ARE YOU, FUTURE HUSBAND?!


Now, don’t get me wrong . . . I wasn’t desperate by any means. I loved my life and I wouldn’t change being single in my 20’s for anything! But come 30, and well, it’s easy to start doubting yourself.

And yes I knew what the secret answer to finding your life long partner was . . .

‘Love yourself completely first

and then you will meet your true love’.


But where was the manual to learn how to love myself?

And how am I meant to know if I did, in fact, love myself?

I thought I loved myself . . .

And so the journey of self-discovery began . . .

I stopped trying to find him and instead,

I focused my time on getting to know ME.

I learned what it meant to be true to MYself, MY goals, MY passions, MY dreams.

Everything that I did, I did it for MY greater good.

I fed my mind with wisdom, my body with food for the soul and I dove deeply into nature at every opportunity that presented itself to me.

I surrounded myself with the right kind of people, the right kind of environments.

And I learned what it meant to empower myself by saying no to the things that I didn’t want to do.

I was learning not to question my intuition, instead, I was listening to it.

And from spending my time on truly getting to know myself, I had successfully maintained a new level of happiness.

One that I didn’t even know could have existed before.

But above all, my desire to find a life partner diminished, completely.

And of course, when I least expected it, that’s when I met him.

But still, I couldn’t help but wonder . . .

Why had it taken me this long to learn how to love myself?

I’d spent 12 years of my life in school being educated, why wasn’t I taught how to love myself every single day of those?

And then I began to fantasize all the drama that might have disappeared if we’d all learned about the real life lessons and the importance of living consciously, harmoniously together.

Imagine what the world would be like if we were taught the right kind of self-love from the beginning?

And how to respect ourselves just as much as those around us?

Maybe if we did I wouldn’t have known 8 people who committed suicide.

Or maybe my friend wouldn’t have spent most of her adolescence in hospital battling anorexia.

Maybe my other friend wouldn’t think that it’s okay to be in an abusive relationship because she thinks verbal abuse isn’t as bad as physical abuse.

And maybe, just maybe those kids who were teased at school for being a geek or a freak wouldn’t have hated waking up every single day of their school life.

I think adulthood would’ve been a lot easier if we were taught how to love ourselves.

But instead it took me a long time to figure this lesson out. And, I don’t really want the younger generation to make that same mistake.

So I decided to write a book. It’s called Lost Nowhere.

It’s a fantasy book about a girl who travels to an enchanted world, but between you and me, this story is a self-help book to heal and nurture our inner-child.

I wrote it because I was sick of hearing about mental health issues that stemmed mostly from childhood and continued to disturb us well into our adult years.

Because I was tired of not feeling good enough, and spending too much time caring what others thought (thinking there was something wrong with me for not being married by age 30).

And I wrote it because I was so bored with competing with the fake person next to me.


I don’t want anyone else to make the same mistakes that I did. I hope that by spreading my message that it encourages everyone to learn how to love themselves, no matter what age, race, gender or social status. Loving ourselves is important for everyone.


Because I believe that we can change the world and that it starts with us and ends with them.


Love Phoebe xo

Click Here for more information on Lost Nowhere

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